This time I have resolved to oust all relationship goals. Expel and banish those who have hurt me and tell them all to kick rocks.
Fuck this one, fuck that one, that one was so fucked up, even though I fucked that up it was pretty awesome etc…etc…
Now after grieving, of course, I am in a metamorphosis phase…or so I hope. Maybe this is just transient? Momentary? Fleeting?
Either way, I refuse to be a fugitive to the pain.
So, this one and that one and that situation are all fading away…they still come back to haunt on occasion but comparatively they have evaporated.
Now in this segue, there are a few confused motives, thoughts and emotions…but I’m trying to let that slide and not think too much about it. I want flux damnit, I want to evolve and shift my perspective and love life to the realism that is. I have something to offer, but as sure as shit I’m determined to get something back this time. And no, it won’t be like a relationship, but fuck those anyway. Too painful. This is perfect.
I am a chameleon after all. I’ve always identified with that. I’ve just been in too much of a codependent state lately. Time to rectify that. It’s time I cash in on my carte blanche to regain my sovereignty and my sanity. Back to being in command of my life, my emotions, my wants, and needs. To realize my worth and reclaim rein over my own life.
Perhaps this is just ephemeral, but then what wonders may come next? I am resolved to remain fluid but also, retain dominance while in this transitional stage.
These acts may seem lewd to you…but to me they are the passageway to deliverance in my mind. And let’s be honest MY mind is always in an erratic flux of determinations…so let’s not fuck with it, okay?
I feel as though I’m lacking emotion…but isn’t that the point? And a good thing?
My mercurial smile will serve me just fine.